x_x

When I got home, Dad was mad at me. I’m self-centered and against him or something. Fuck, I even said I’d take all the money I could out of my account (not the money that his debtors have locked because he fucked me over) to help him out. He got all mad at me, and we ended up yelling eachother. He told to break something, sort of taunting me, so I kicked his monitor off his desk, picked up a picture frame thing, and threw it at him. It hit the shelf next to him and shattered. Apparently, it was one of those designs or something made out of butterfly wings or something. I probably wouldn’t have thrown it had I known. But when I get to that point, I’m no longer thinking, you know? I also yelled out something about wanting to shoot him. So, then I go down the street because I still have to fucking deal with Tony’s dog, Coco. It’s such a fucking nice family. There’s the husband, wife, 14 year old daughter, 11 year old daughter, and 9 year old son. At least, those’re my guesses as to their ages. A really good looking family… really nice. They’ve already paid $1165.81. They didn’t have it either and had to borrow it. They want that soon and in one payment. They’ll accept the rest in payments. The total was $2500 or so, but the bills haven’t been finalized. I explained to them as best as I could my father’s financial situation and that I have no idea what’ll happen but that I’d talk to my dad and see. I told them I’d get back to them by the end of the week.
When I got home, my dad and I ended up fighting again. Jamie (the adult) wanted to talk to me. He told me that he was in the back but could clearly hear me threaten to kill. He just wanted to help me calm down. His mom also ended up talking to me about ways to remain calm or some bull shit. Nice people. I went in the house and asked my mom to stay while I cleaned up the glass so that I could get to my room without fighting some more. Then my dad got mad at me because I turned on the kitchen light or something. I don’t really know. I was trying to get sugar for Jamie. Fuck, I’m really trying. And I don’t know what to do when I get mad. I’m still shaking now. When that shit happens, I wish I could break down and cry or something but I’m not sad. I’m just fucking angry. And the only thing I know to do then is to smash things and hurt things. Alright good bye.