Everything and a Kite

Everything and a Kite by Ray Romano is a very funny book. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be any good, but I couldn’t pass it up for $1.50 at a thrift store. It was worth it. Granted, I don’t think it’s worth the $22 it’s priced as new, but it’s still very funny. Here’s a little excerpt:
You ever this memory loss? You’re in the shower, you’re daydreaming, and you can’t remember if you shampooed your hair?
Oh, that scared the hell out of me. You have to backtrack in your own shower.
“Hmmm, let me see… my hair feels squeaky…”
You know what I do now? I just bring a checklist right into the shower. Then I check each thing off after it’s done.
Turn on cold water
Turn on hot water
Burn
Freeze
Burn, but a little less
Wash
Lather
Sing “Piano Man”
Rinse
Check for ticks
That’s pretty much it.
Well, not everything. There is something that isn’t on the list that I occasionally do in the shower, but I’d really rather not discuss it.
I think the men know what I’m talking about.
Thaaaaaaaaaaat’s right.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s healthy. God gave us a gift, and look, sometimes in the shower we use it.
What’s funny is that sometimes we have no intention of doing that at all, and you even tell yourself that as you’re going in.
“Look, I’m late. I’m just gonna wash it and be on my way.”
Then you get in there, and the next thing you know, you’re trying to seduce yourself.
“Relax. I know we’re late. I just wanna hold it, that’s all.”