Thanks so much for calling me all the time! I know I’m hard to get a hold of because I screen my calls, and you don’t really leave messages. Luckily when I googled your phone number, 866-779-9279, I found this site, 800notes.com. It’s a great site; users can contribute information about annoying 800 numbers that call them all the time. That’s how I found out who you are. I’m very happy you call me all the time just like you call many other people all the time. It’s strange though that you are supposedly a collection agency working for Bank of America yet you’re calling me and I don’t owe you money. That seems to happen to a lot of people according to that website though. Other people also mentioned that you seem to call the wrong people. How idiotic would that be? I don’t understand that. You’re my buddy Penncro, and you wouldn’t do that. Plus, people say you call early in the morning, late at night, and sometimes multiple times per day! Technically that’s true. I know because you do it to me. And after all we’ve been through, this silent friendship finally found a voice! You left me voice mail! But you called me Nick Willus. Why would you do that Penncro? I’m not Nick Willus. We’re you joking? It made me think of “Willage,” which has to do with a funny anecdote by David Sedaris. Is that what you meant? You’re so funny Penncro. Alas, this friendship has to come to an end. You seem to bully me yet you don’t know who I actually am. You work for someone that I don’t owe money to as a collection agency! Idiotic! On top of that, you harass me far too often and obscene times of day! Lucky for me I’ve added you to my contact list so I can keep track of how often you call me and can reject your calls. If only I could autoreject. Too bad.
Your old friend,