This weekend I had the joy of playing Three Dirty Dwarves for the Sega Saturn! It was my way of paying respect to the Saturn on Saturnday, the first Saturday after Dreamcast Day, 9/9 (in honor of the Dreamcast’s American launch on 9/9/99). It was truly a great example of gaming from its generation.
First I had to hook up the RF adapter, complete with coaxial cable attached to a splitter via duct tape. This both ruined my ability to watch television and also added a gentle, fuzzy interference to the game. Inadvertently, my gaming was given a classic feel!
Three Dirty Dwarves opened with a wonderful cut scene that looked like an 80s cartoon. It was amusing and relaxing and even made me feel a bit nostalgic. The cartoon gave the back story of the game; four genius children are being held by a military weapons contractor (or possibly the military itself) for a super soldier project. They’re all in one room playing a tabletop RPG similar to Dungeons & Dragons. In their game, three dwarves are searching for a portal to our world. They find it and end up entering out world in Al’s Sporting Goods. Thinking the things for sale there are weapons and armor, they equip themselves and set off to save the children. While the three cut scenes in the game are in a great cartoon style, during gameplay Three Dirty Dwarves uses large, excellent looking sprites. In addition, the game features fun rock music that seems to fit very well.

 
For the most part, the game plays like a normal beat ’em up. You control one dwarf with the other two following. At any time you can switch dwarves. Each plays slightly differently. One can throw baseballs in the air and hit them in rapid succession at enemies. This has a slight delay as he throws the balls before hitting them. One throws bowling balls and pins. The attack is rather slow, but the bowling ball can hit multiple enemies. The third shoots a shotgun. This happens immediately, but there’s a reload time afterwards. When the dwarf being controlled is damaged, he gets knocked out and control passes to another. Hitting the knocked out dwarf will allow him to become playable once again.
Enemy design is varied both in looks and weaknesses. The dwarves fight orcs, a dragon, mutant babies, robots, and more. Many enemies are simple to defeat, but many require timing attacks or watching for patterns. Still others require being hit in particular ways to be defeated. Between the normal beat ’em up levels are stranger levels. One has the dwarves running in a circle fighting an enemy in the middle. On screen the game is still 2D; running left or right causes the background to scroll so it appears that the dwarves are running in a circle. Another level is baseball themed. Each dwarf must score a run. Enemies are in the field while the dwarves are at bat. One button causes the dwarf to run from one base to the next, and one causes the dwarf to hit the ball. The batter won’t run unless the previous dwarf has made it home. You can aim the ball at enemies in the field to defeat them although they do respawn. When the path is clear, the dwarf is able to safely run to the next base. This was a particularly fun level to me.
Another great level is the obligatory mine cart level! How many early games had such a level? It seems like a lot of games in this genre feature a mine cart level or some similar level on rails featuring speed. These levels are much more varied today, but I think you can still see games with levels that fulfill the same purpose. It was amusing to find such a cliché level in the game. Don’t get me wrong though; it was fun! Because of enemies and obstacles on the track, you have to blast your way through and have a fast enough reaction time to jump over holes in the track.
One level had the dwarves riding a wrecking ball. This was a 3D level, with the wrecking ball swinging back and forth toward the background. A building contains a dragon breathing fire towards the dwarves. By holding left or right, you can control how the wrecking ball swings. Eventually you’re able to do enough damage to the building that it falls.
Three Dirty Dwarves was very enjoyable, and I’m surprised I don’t see it recommended more when people look for Saturn games to play. I’m glad I stumbled upon it. To add to the classic gaming feel, I even had to leave my Saturn on over night because there wasn’t a save feature. I can’t remember the last time I had to do that! This is a classic I’m sure I’ll play again and recommend to others!