When I got home, Dad was mad at me. I’m self-centered and against him or something. Fuck, I even said I’d take all the money I could out of my account (not the money that his debtors have locked because he fucked me over) to help him out. He got all mad at me, and we ended up yelling eachother. He told to break something, sort of taunting me, so I kicked his monitor off his desk, picked up a picture frame thing, and threw it at him. It hit the shelf next to him and shattered. Apparently, it was one of those designs or something made out of butterfly wings or something. I probably wouldn’t have thrown it had I known. But when I get to that point, I’m no longer thinking, you know? I also yelled out something about wanting to shoot him. So, then I go down the street because I still have to fucking deal with Tony’s dog, Coco. It’s such a fucking nice family. There’s the husband, wife, 14 year old daughter, 11 year old daughter, and 9 year old son. At least, those’re my guesses as to their ages. A really good looking family… really nice. They’ve already paid $1165.81. They didn’t have it either and had to borrow it. They want that soon and in one payment. They’ll accept the rest in payments. The total was $2500 or so, but the bills haven’t been finalized. I explained to them as best as I could my father’s financial situation and that I have no idea what’ll happen but that I’d talk to my dad and see. I told them I’d get back to them by the end of the week.
When I got home, my dad and I ended up fighting again. Jamie (the adult) wanted to talk to me. He told me that he was in the back but could clearly hear me threaten to kill. He just wanted to help me calm down. His mom also ended up talking to me about ways to remain calm or some bull shit. Nice people. I went in the house and asked my mom to stay while I cleaned up the glass so that I could get to my room without fighting some more. Then my dad got mad at me because I turned on the kitchen light or something. I don’t really know. I was trying to get sugar for Jamie. Fuck, I’m really trying. And I don’t know what to do when I get mad. I’m still shaking now. When that shit happens, I wish I could break down and cry or something but I’m not sad. I’m just fucking angry. And the only thing I know to do then is to smash things and hurt things. Alright good bye.

That other dog died. Punctured lung. They’re taking it a pet cemetary today, I think. Burial costs? He went into shock and they were unable to perform sergery before he died. That might mean the cost went down. Poor doggy 🙁

At around 6:20 tonight (9/6), my mom got to my house. I wasn’t expecting her until 7:00 so I wasn’t yet dressed. My dad was in the shower and started banging on my door, yelling at me for not getting the front door. I hadn’t heard anything; I was listening to music. Anyways, I yelled at him for yelling at me, he cussed at me for cussing when my mom was around, and we went back and forth. I went to the door. My brother was there, and my mom was in her car waiting. I let my brother in and go back to my room because I was only wearing a towel. I put pants and a t-shirt and then hear Dad yelling at James. When he was going in and out he let the dog out. Nina bit a dog down the street, Coco. Dad starts yelling about not being able to afford this and refuses to go outside.
So, I’m dressed enough at this point so I go down the street. For those of you know, it’s the nice family a few doors down… asian… girl around 12 and a younger brother. She’s sitting in the grass, holding Coco. He was bleeding, and the wounds were visible, but he seemed fully awake. It appeared to me that the dog would be okay if given medical attention. I apologized for what happened and attempted to act cordially. They didn’t know where a vet was located, and neither did I so I went to talk to my dad. On the way back to my house, I cussed a lot at James.
Dad didn’t know. I talked him into going down there. I was hoping that if we agreed to pay the bills, they would say they didn’t know who owned the dog. I don’t really want to lose Nina. And that bill brings up another point. We don’t fucking have money. Dad goes down there and handles things horribly. He keeps repeating “we never let the dog out of the house,” trying to say it wasn’t our fault. Look, it was James’s fault. That makes it his fault, you know? He left, and I stayed. I wrote down my name, my dad’s name (might have been a mistake), my address, and my telephone number. They found a vet in Lakewood or something and left with Coco wrapped in a towel. Then, we went back to the house.
I don’t really know exactly what happened at this point. I yelled at James a lot. Apparently, he was scared to come in the house because he thought I’d hurt him. And mom’s of course on his side. Dad’s just sort of freaked out because he doesn’t have money. James started crying, and I yelled at him more. Oh, and earlier my mom wanted me to stay until Wednesday, which puts difficulty into my life because I need to build that computer for Joseph. At this point I started yelling in general at everyone because, well, I was mad at everyone by now for different reasons. On top of all that, my dad doesn’t handle anger well, and will only fight my anger with his own. I can deal with that. But I knew that when I went to my mom’s house, I’d catch hell from her for yelling and cussing. So, how’d I deal with that? I cussed about what she and Pete were going to do to me. I then went to my room, slammed my door, and threw a cup at the door which broke. I had been shaking for a while, and I was shaking then. I needed to do more damage. It’s a good way to release anger. But I didn’t know what to break.
I continued packing up my stuff but rather slowly. My dad had to go pick up my Uncle Billy, who lost his license, and took James with him. My mom said she’d wait outside. It took me a long time to get my shit together. I also talked to Nina for a while. She might not understand words, but she knew I was being affectionate. She was scared because of all the yelling, and I was scared that we’d lose her. I was also worried and mad about the financial responsibility, but I wasn’t really scared about that because I knew that had to be. I fed Nina dog food, and then, gave her a hot dog because I figured she’d like it. I was still shaking by that point but didn’t know what else to do. I guess I have anger management issues, so I’ve been told, and I’ve seen a few therapists for it at different times in my life. Therepists piss me off. There was nothing I could do really so I went and got in the car.
My mom talked to me some, but I wasn’t really in trouble. When we got to her house, I talked to Pete while she went to the supermarket. We had a nice discussion about politics, which I enjoyed. I found that their wifi is down for some odd reason so there goes Internet access.
I called Dad, and he said that the dog’s owner called but that he didn’t want to answer the phone. He gave me their number, and I called them. Coco is in surgery tonight, and the vet hospital will call them at 1:00 AM tomorrow (9/7). They already paid $900, and the total estimate was between $1200 and $1800. I tried to act as nice as possible. He asked me when I was going to be home, and I told him Wednesday. He said by then they should have all the bills, and I told him that I’d call him when I get back.
I don’t really want my dad to deal with them. I don’t think he can help. Coco was on a leash in their yard, but was not being held. We’re equally responsible then financially, and could probably split the bill although they want us to pay in full. However, if we push wanting to split the bill, I think they could push to put Nina down. I rather pay in full and have them not mention to any authority what dog did it. And I don’t even know if dogs are put down for attacking other dogs. Nina’s a great dane / pit bull mix. Pit bulls aren’t exactly loved by most people. But it’s not like we have any extra fucking money, you know? I don’t know why I’ve typed that so many times in an entry that isn’t targeted at anyone.
I have about five grand at CitiBank. I was in an accident as a child, and I was awarded money that was put in a locked account until I’m 18. Three grand of that is locked for some other reason now. Some bill collector or something did it. Now, I don’t have any outstanding personal bills so I guess they’re holding part of my funds because of something my dad did. I don’t know. But I think there’s still about $2000 I can get to. I don’t know though. I’ve never looked into it. I guess I need to get ID when I back and withdraw all the money I can. I haven’t talked to Dad about that though.
And without Internet access, I’ll have to call Joseph tomorrow. My mom said we can go to Fry’s tomorrow to price stuff and look at the specials, and then I’ll come Wednesday, which means I can go to Joseph’s Thursday. I’ll have to make sure that’s okay with him. I have a doctor’s appointment at 8:30 tomorrow morning, and I’m not looking forward to that either. At least I’m not mad anymore. I mean, I suppose I’m mad, but I have myself under control for now. So doctor’s appointment Tuesday, come home Wednesday, Joseph’s Thursday and possibly Friday, Gonzales maybe Saturday if everything’s squared away with Joseph. I don’t know. And I don’t know whether we (or I, if my dad refuses to talk) should bring up wanting to split the bill with those people or not.
For now, I’m going to sit in the dark in my brother’s room at my mom’s house and watch X-Japan’s Last Live concert.
10:33 AM on 9/7:
I went to bed at 11:30 last night. It’s been so long since I’ve gone to bed and woken woken up on a different day. I didn’t really have much energy though. I woke up 3:14, was amused that I woke up at pi, had some apple juice, went to bathroom, and drank some water. I didn’t fall back asleep until 5:00 or so. I had mild heart burn and felt like throwing up. My mom woke me up at 6:45 to go to the doctor’s.
I liked the doctor at least. I’m about 165 lbs and 5’8″ or so. I got my meningococcal vaccine and a tetanus-diphtheria vaccine booster. I dislike shots but whatever. When my mom was giving the doctor my family’s medical history, she said that every male on her father’s side of the family except for her father himself has been a smoker and died in their 40s due to smoking related problems. The same goes for my mom’s mother’s side except that they die in their 50s. Apparently, my family doesn’t smoke well. I’m 20/40 in my left eye so I need to get my vision tested in full. This didn’t come up, but on the subject, I haven’t been to the dentist in a year, and I need to get braces as well. My blood pressure was rather high too but not insanely high. My step-dad plugged the wifi in this morning, but it’s not working. Fun fucking times. And my mom’s house is so quiet at night. I could hear the ringing in my eyes pretty loudly. I know a lot of people get that, but I’m told it’s still not normal, and that it’s due to listening to music too loudly. I think my hearing test went alright though.
11:16 AM on 9/7:
I fooled around a little with the network. I patched in but couldn’t obtain an IP address. Eventually, I conflicted with another computer, which let me know what IPs they were using. Then figured out the router’s IP, was able to log in to it, and gave myself access.

Went to Christine’s last night with Linh-Nam. It was good to see her and just to hang out. Just sitting around… talking… watching cartoons… felt very familiar =D
And Linh-Nam beat me in UT2004. 2-1 NOW NAM!
Stupid girl. I miss you, Christine =/ Drop out of college and stay down here. Women don’t need educations anyways.